Greg's Occasional News & Views

23 August 2015 – Amusements

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”


A man was at the bar and asked for a shot and so the bartender gave him the drink the man drank it then looked in his pocket.

Then the man asked for another so the bartender again gave it to him then after he took the drink the man looked in his pocket.

The man asked for another drink and did the same thing. Then the bartender asked the man why he kept looking in his pocket, and the man said there is a picture of my wife in there and when she starts looking good that’s when I will go home.


Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.”

“Well, what are you going to do, then?” Luther asks.

“Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Luther agrees.

“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.”

“I remember,” Luther says.

“Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”

“Yep,” Luther says. “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

“Well,” Billy Bob says, “this year I’m taking Earlene with me.”


 

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