2 August 2015 – Amusements

This came from brother Steph:

A guy was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee when he received a text message.

“Joe, I’m sorry.  I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you.  I know it’s no excuse, but I don’t get it at home.  I can’t live with the guilt any longer and I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology.  It won’t happen again.”

Feeling outraged and betrayed, Joe grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

Moments later the guy gets a second text: “Really should use spell check!  That should have said   ‘wifi’.”

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children on his TV show. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

All denied being obsessed with anything. “You are — all of you!” he insisted.

“You are obsessed with eating,” he said to the first mother. “You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

She hung her head in shame.

He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is with money: Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

She gave a resigned nod.

He turns to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”

She looked at her little girl with a tear in her eye.

But before Dr. Phil could say another word, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says, “Come on Dick, we’re leaving.”

A guy is passing a Mental Hospital surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Curious to see what’s going on he finds a small hole in the wall, so he bends and peeks inside.

Someone inside pokes him hard in the eye and everyone starts inside chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!