19 July 2015 – Amusements

Bufford went on down to Spring City last Saturday night to see what was selling at the Hinker Boys’ Auction. Well, they had a parrot there that a rich lady was selling, and Bufford kindly took a likin’ to the critter. When the auctioneer brought the bird around for bidding, Bufford asked him, “Charlie, kin that parrot really talk?”

Charley Hinker, the head of the auction house, assured Bufford it could talk and furthermore, it was real smart.

Bufford made up his mind to buy it, pulling all $2,000 out of his savings account just in case. Well, the bidding commenced, and Bufford jumped right in and stayed at it all the way.

Several folks were bidding, but when the bids hit about $800, it settled down to a real mean contest between Bufford and someone at the front of the room. Bufford finally won the bid at $1,900 even, though he looked a bit pained as he walked to the auction office to pay for the thing.

When he got ready to pay, Bufford again asked the auctioneer, “Are you sure that parrot kin really talk, Charlie?”

Charlie said, “Bufford, I know that parrot kin talk real well, seein’ how it was the parrot that was the one bidding against you.”

I’m pretty sure we’ve had this before but, you know the rules – if I don’t remember it then I presume no one else does either.

A police officer, though scheduled for all night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2:00 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Sweetie, would you go down to the all night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”

“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you — aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?”

“Yeah, so?” said the officer.

“Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?”

“I’m getting a divorce,” said Jack to his mate, Bill. “The wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months.”

Bill thought for a moment and then replied, “Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find.”