Greg's Occasional News & Views

Monthly Archives: June 2015

28 June 2015

It’s been a pretty decent week, all things considered. Even though we had to say “goodbye” to Adam and Ava week before last, we’ve had fun with Nick, Lucy and Annabelle and our politicians continue to say and do stupid things – what could be better? Continue reading

28 June 2015 – Amusements

This came from my friend Julie:

The teacher was telling an infant class of children about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher, “Are you sure about the stork, Miss? I think you’re getting your birds mixed up ‘cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough……..” Continue reading

21 June 2015

It’s been a great week, somewhat tempered, however, by the necessity of having to say “good-bye” to Adam and Ava on Wednesday. Goodness, how those three weeks flew by! Continue reading

21 June 2015 – Amusements

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub; we then offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?” Continue reading

14 June 2015

What a great day! Last Saturday I am talking about, of course. The sun shone (mainly), Ms Playchute’s catering more than lived up to its legendary reputation, the bride was gorgeous and the groom was passable and the garden was filled with friends and family, much laughter and good cheer. Continue reading

14 June 2015 – Amusements

I think we’ve had this before and I’ve run across it in a number of guises.

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!

Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go.

At the White House, the President spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave says,”This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has passed out and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw – you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?” Continue reading

7 June 2015

This needs to be short and swift this week – so much to do and so little time! We’ve a celebratory celebration to organise this weekend (i.e., Penny has a celebratory celebration to organise) and there will be little or no time to do anything afterwards. So, you will have to put up with last week’s “news” and wait until next weekend for this weekend’s news (if that makes sense). Continue reading

7 June 2015 – Amusements

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

“Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.”

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!

Unsure what to do, she quietly sneaks out of the house, drives around until her normal quitting time, and returns home without saying anything.

The next day at work, the gals get together.

“That was fun,” says the brunette. “We should do it again sometime.”

“I met a great guy!” says the redhead.

“No way,” says the blonde. “I almost got caught.” Continue reading

June 2015
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