26 April 2015 – Amusements
Pretty sure we’ve had it before . . .
Maurice an 82 year-old man went to the doctor for his annual physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Maurice and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Maurice replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’”
The doctor said, “I did not say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.’”
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in deep shit at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will.'”
“Yeah”, said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO….'”
Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tires blew.
When he got out of the car to change the tire, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the brick wall in front of the facility.
The driver went about his business, not paying any attention to the guy on the fence. He first took his tire iron and jack out of the car, and got the car jacked up. Then, he removed the hubcap. Next, he removed the six lug nuts, and placed them in the hubcap for safekeeping.
About this time, the guy on the fence decided to start a conversation. This startled the driver, and he reeled around quickly, knocking over the hubcap, and the lug nuts fell into the sewer drain.
The driver gets angry with the guy on the fence, shouting, “Now look what you made me do. Now I’m going to have to walk to town to buy some new lug nuts. Just go back inside and leave me be.”
The guy on the fence says, “Why don’t you just take one lug nut from each of your other three wheels, and use them on this one. That should hold it steady enough for you to drive the car to the auto parts store.”
The driver asks, “That’s a brilliant idea…then why are you here?”
The guy on the fence replies, “I’m just crazy, not stupid.”