As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife “What’s up with all the bills?”
To which his wife replies, “Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.”
A beautiful woman loved gardening, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked him, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?”
The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”
“No,” she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”
One of the Archbishop of Canterbury’s assistants runs in breathless and says to him, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I’ve got Jesus on the phone for you!”
The Archbishop says, “That’s wonderful! What could possibly be the bad news?”
“He’s calling from Salt Lake City.”