Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied the floating survivors of a sunken ship.
“Follow me, son,” the Dad shark said to the Son shark. They swam to the mass of people.
“First,” the Dad shark instructs, “we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our dorsal fin showing.”
“Like this, Dad?” the younger shark asks.
“Well done, Son! Next we swim around them a few more times with all of our dorsal fin showing.”
“OK,” the boy says, really getting into it.
“And only now do we eat everybody.”
And they did, eating all the terrified humans.
When they were both fully sated and gorged, the Son shark asked Dad shark, “Gee, Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all right away? Why did we have to swim around and around them in circles first?”
Well, Son,” the wise Dad shark replied, “because they taste a whole lot better without all that crap inside!”
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 10,000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
“I don’t know,” the man replied. “My wife told me to stand here.”
First-year students at the Purdue Veterinary School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal’s body.” For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the rear of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the rear of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life’s tough but it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”