2 November 2014 – Amusements

This came from Dad.

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since her husband didn’t know what her costume was since she had gotten them from the shop, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, even copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. She contained her anger and sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished — and why not, since he was her husband?! Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang, still keeping their masks on.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”

Then she asked, “Well, did you even get any dancing in?” she asked, knowing how much he enjoys dancing.

“Well, I have a confession to make, honey,” he says. Here we go, she thinks. “Sweetie, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I saw Pete, Bill and Johnny, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you: the guy I loaned my costume says he sure had a good time!”

A priest had the weight of the world on him and was showing the effects. The church sent him to a psychiatrist, who ordered him to take a week off. The priest went to the largest city in the area. After about a dozen belts of neat whiskey, he found himself in one of the city’s clip joints.

A waitress in a flimsy, low-cut uniform came over and asked, “What’ll it be, Father?”

The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar by mistake, but he had none on.

“How did you know I’m a priest? he asked.

The waitress said, “I’m Sister Mary Margaret. We go to the same psychiatrist!”

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.

“Isn’t it true, “he bellowed, “that you were given $500.00 to throw this case?”

The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction – no response.

Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”

“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”