A very confident Marine Corps Pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The Pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The Fighter Pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.”
When my wife and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, “Will it be long?”
The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, “How much of a wait?”
The woman looked up from her book and said, “Oh, about ten minutes.”
A short time later we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: “Willette B. Long, your table is ready.”
It was the day of the opening of the new restaurant with free croissants and coffee on offer to customers. Some advertising in the local paper was the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the restaurant by 8:30, the opening time.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I’m not opening the restaurant!”