20 July 2014 – Amusements

A variation on one we’ve had before but with a different punchline.

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”

Then the driver responded, “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this.”

So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that, too, was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”

The driver looked at the passenger and responded, “All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time!”

Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time it was green. The driver slammed on his breaks and stopped the car totally. “What the heck are you doing?”

The passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”

“Well, my mother might be coming the other way,” the driver said.


A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.

A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:”Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: “Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!


The Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge Device

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, or BOOK for short.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on.

It’s so easy to use, even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere, even sitting in an armchair by the fire, yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Here’s how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs.

BOOKs with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish.

Many BOOKs come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session, even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKmarks can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave.

BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

All of which, of course, reminds one of the Medieval Help Desk film from some time ago:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQHX-SjgQvQ