A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
“What for?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
“That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The young man replied, “I know. But I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”
A psychoanalyst shows a patient an inkblot, and asks him what he sees.
The patient says: “A man and woman making love.”
The psychoanalyst shows him a second inkblot, and the patient says: “That’s also a man and woman making love.”
The psychoanalyst says: “You are obsessed with sex.”
The patient says: “What do you mean I am obsessed? You are the one with all the dirty pictures.”
A poor couple sat down in their living room and the man said, ‘I’m going down to the bar for a beer, so put your coat on.”
The woman replied, ”Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?”
The man replied, ”No, I’m turning the heat off.”