29 June 2014 – Amusements

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note so I could complain to my local police about this running amok security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my debit card. Nonetheless, I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions a little more clear.

An elderly man was staggering down the street and stopped by a police officer who asked, “Just where are you going at 1:30 in the morning?”

The man said, “To an alcohol lecture.”

The cop asked, “Where is it and who is giving it?”

The man said, “It’s at my house, and my wife is giving it.”

This came from Dad.

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Meg was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Meg went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. “Hi Meg,” he said, “how do you like your new phone?”

Meg replied, “I just love it! It’s so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there’s one thing I don’t understand though…”

“What’s that, sweetie?” asked her husband.

“How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?”