8 June 2014 – Amusements

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After enquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing.

“Oh! Ted died last month. He went out to the garden to cut a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch.”

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry,” replied her friend, “What did you do?”

“Called and had a pizza delivered instead.”


The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”

The guy answers, “A Scotch, please.”

The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That’ll be five dollars.”

To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”

The next day same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”

The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”

The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”

To which the guy replies, “Why, thank you. Make it a Scotch.”


I’m pretty sure we’ve had this before . . .

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with ‘Betty Sue’ written on it.”

He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? ‘Betty Sue’ was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.” She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he’s reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, “What was that for?”

She answers, “Your horse called.”