18 May 2014 – Amusements

We’ve had this before . . .

A duck went into a grocery store and said, “Have you got any grapes?”

The grocer answered, “No, sorry,” and the duck went away.

A little while later the duck came back and said, “Have you got any grapes?”

The grocer, once again, said, “No, sorry, we still don’t have any grapes.” So the duck went away.

After a while the duck came into the store again and said, “Have you got any grapes?”

The grocer, getting a bit annoyed now, said, “Look, I told you before, we don’t have any grapes!”

The duck went away.

The duck came back yet again: “Have you got any grapes?”

Really angry now the grocer replied, “Look if you come back in here again asking for grapes I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!”

The duck went away.

You guessed it, back came the duck. This time he said, “Have you got any nails?”

The grocer answered, “No, sorry.”

And the duck said, “Have you got any grapes?”

And, we’ve had this before but I still like it:

A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, “How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne.”

“What a coincidence,” said the farmer, who added, “it is a special day for me, I’m celebrating.”

“It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!” said the woman.

“What a coincidence,” said the farmer. While they toasted, the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today my gynecologist told me I was pregnant.”

“What a coincidence,” said the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs.”

“This is awesome” said the woman. “What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?”

“I used a different rooster,” the farmer said.

The woman smiled and said, “What a coincidence.”

A little boy came home eating a big candy bar. Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had already spent all his allowance money. Surprised, she asked him where he got it. “I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me,” he said.

“But that dollar was for Sunday School,” his mother replied.

Smiling, the boy said, “I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free.”