One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged. When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:
“Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!”
“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what about the other?”
“They called back!”
I know we’ve had this one before but it somehow seems quite topical.
A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that.”
Seven-year-old Alex came home from school one day. He walked in the house. “Hello, Alex,” his mother greeted.
“Hi, Mom!” Alex replied as he got a glass of milk from the fridge and took a seat at the table.
“Anything interesting happen in school today?” Mom asked as she sat down across from him.
“My teacher was asking me about our family,” Alex replied.
“Really?” Mom asked, smiling. “What did she ask?”
Alex said, “She asked if I had any brothers or sisters that will be coming to school.”
“That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you,” Mom commented. “So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Alex took another mouthful of milk and then answered, “She just said, ‘Thank goodness!'”