While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When the husband asked his wife to check something on the map a half-hour later, she suddenly realized she had left her glasses on the table, and demanded he turn back.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,
“While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!”
Mrs. Smith, I ain’t got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don’t have any crayons. You don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons. They don’t have any crayons. Do you see what I’m getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?
The little boy’s grandfather had taken him for a trip to the zoo and an ice cream. When he came home his mother asked, “Did you thank your grandfather for taking you to the zoo and buying you ice cream?”
The boy didn’t answer. She asked again, “I said, did you thank Granddad for taking you to the zoo and buying you ice cream?”
Still no answer. “You answer me, young man! DID YOU THANK YOUR GRANDFATHER?”
“Yes,” the boy said at last.
“Well, why didn’t you say so?”
“Because he told me, ‘Don’t mention it!'”