2 February 2014 – Amusements

A young lady graduated from college and started teaching at an area school. One day she went with a friend to a nearby restaurant for lunch. A man seated next to her asks, “Are you a teacher?”

Surprised but happy, she replied, “Why, yes, I certainly am!” She enjoyed a warm feeling throughout the meal. She looked like a teacher, and this made her feel great. As she was leaving the restaurant, she asked the man, “How did you know I was a teacher?”

“You have chalk dust on your butt,” he replied.

The torrential rain was unrelenting, and the town was evacuated when it became clear the dam couldn’t hold back the waters for much longer.

As flood waters rise, a very religious woman put all her faith in God and won’t leave her house. She says to all, “God will take care of me.”

When local authorities come by in 4-wheel drive vehicles, going house to house, telling everyone to get out and rescuing those who need it, she says “God will provide,” and refuses to leave.

Later, as the waters have risen significantly and surround the homes, the authorities come back in a boat. Again, they offer to rescue her. “God will provide!” she says, shooing them away.

Finally, the water floods her whole house, so she climbs onto the roof. A rescue helicopter comes by, but again, she refuses to get on, saying “God will provide.”

Sadly, the woman is drowned in the flood and, when she gets up to heaven, she complains to God, “I had faith in you! I thought you would save me!”

“What are you talking about?” God says. “I sent you a Jeep, a boat, and a helicopter!”

A man is standing outside the gates of Heaven.

Saint Peter approaches and says “Can I help you?”

The man replies “No thanks.” He continues to stand on the clouds.

“Are you sure I can’t help you?” says Saint Peter.

“No. That’s fine,” says the man.

Several minutes pass before Saint Peter approaches the man again.

“Look,” he says, “You do realize that if you’re here, you’re dead — right?”

“Oh I realize that,” replies the man.

“You realize that,” Saint Peter repeats.

The man points down through the clouds. “I’m just waiting for the Medics down there to realize that!