A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he’s ever seen. He asks the shop owner how much the bird costs.
The shop owner replies, “That bird is $1000”.
“What?!?” cries the man. “$1000 for a bird? What does it do that makes it worth that much?”
“Well, I’m glad you asked,” says the shop owner. “You see, that bird can sing every female role in the Ring Cycle from memory.”
The man is truly impressed but he cannot afford to spend that much money. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful bird in another cage and asks how much that bird costs.
“That bird is $2000,” replies the shop owner.
The man asks what this bird can do.
“Well,” says the shop owner, “he can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory.”
The man is amazed but he can’t afford this bird either.
He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking and gasping in a cage in the corner of the shop.
Thinking that this bird would not cost very much he enquires of the proprietor, “How much for the half dead bird in the corner?”
“Oh, that bird is $20000,” he is told by the owner.
Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does.
“Oh, we haven’t found out yet,” the owner replies, “but the other two call him ‘Maestro’.”
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, “Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”
The wife says, “Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!”
Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver, seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, switched on the engine, let it run for a few minutes and then switched it off, announcing, “Here you are, gentlemen.”
The 1st drunk paid him the fare, the 2nd drunk said, “Thank you very much.”
However, the 3rd drunk slapped him hard across the face.
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car hadn’t move an inch.
“What was that for,” the driver asked.
“Control your speed next time, you almost killed us!”