8 December 2013 – Amusements

The Great Superbo turns up at the music hall for an audition, dragging behind him an enormous steamer trunk. His act consists of hitting his head with a hammer, which forces out different notes from his mouth. He can perform many numbers, including God Save The King and My Old Man.

The theatre manager loves it. “Great act,” he says, “but what’s in the trunk?”

“Aspirin.”


I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night. After five glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.


This came from my friend Julie in Australia. Unfortunately, this sort of thing doesn’t appear to happen to me but perhaps that’s because I tend to shop at Tesco rather than Sainsbury’s.

SAINSBURY CAR PARK SCAM – BEWARE!

Sainsbury’s car park. Please BE WARNED! Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever ‘Eastern European’ scam whilst out shopping.

Simply dropping into Sainsbury’s supermarket for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends! Here’s how the scam works:

Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they’ll say ‘No’ and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Tesco. You agree and they both get in the back seat.

On the way there, they start undressing, until both are completely naked. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen on October 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on November 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday. So please warn all the older men you know to be on the lookout for this scam.

The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.

P.S. Aldi have cheap wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl wallets are £1.75 and look better!!