13 October 2013 – Amusements

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?” He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner.

His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. “I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother.

“We hadn’t started eating yet.”

The wife left a note on the fridge, “It’s not working! I can’t take it any more, I’ve gone to stay at my mother’s!”

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. Goodness knows what she was talking about.

Matt went into Doc Smith’s office for his annual check-up, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open for Matt, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must’ve shrunk just sitting in his closet, because it didn’t fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.

The Doc said, “Suits don’t shrink just sitting there. You probably ate too much chocolate and just put on a few pounds, Matt.”

“That’s just it, Doc, I know I haven’t gained a single pound since the last time I wore it.”

“Well, then,” said Doc, “You must have a case of Furniture Disease.”

“What in the world is Furniture Disease?” Matt asked.

“Furniture Disease, Matt,” explained the Doc, “is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.”