29 September 2013 – Amusements

The career Naval Chief Petty Officer had one more task to complete before he could finally retire after being in the service since he was 17: his discharge medical exam.

The doctor gave him a thorough going over and was impressed. “You’re in excellent health,” he told the over-the-hill seaman. “Except one thing.”

“What’s that?” the CPO asked, looking a little nervous.

“You seem extraordinarily tense. We ruled out medical problems in the exam,” the doctor said, cautiously trying to probe the man’s psyche, “but I have a guess: when was the last time you had sexual relations?”

“1945,” came the reply.

“Well that just has to be it, then!” the astounded medic exclaimed.

“I don’t know why you’d think so, doc,” the E8 said, glancing at his watch. “It’s only 0845 now….”

We’ve had this several times in the past in many different guises but I still chuckle every time I run across it.

A farmer picks up an Native American Indian hitch hiking. The Indian is a man of few words but eventually looks at the brown paper bag on the seat between them and asks, “Mmm, what’s in the bag?”

“It’s a bottle of wine that I got for my wife,” the farmer replied.

The Indian thinks for a moment or two and say, “Mmm. Good trade.”

Another Repeat:

The guys are all at a hunting camp. No one wants to room with Ralph because he snores so badly. They decide it isn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.

The first guy sleeps in the room with Ralph and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Ralph snored so loudly I just sat up and watched him all night.”

The next night it’s a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, you look awful!” He said, “That Ralph shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”

The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was an older cowboy sort, a man’s man.

The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened?”

Fred says, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Ralph into bed, patted him on the ass, and kissed him good night. Ralph sat up and he watched me all night. I slept like a baby.”