One would obviously never condone this sort of anti-social behaviour.
Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming: – Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the waaaaall!
Baaaaam! They hit the wall.
The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend: – You good for nothing, I’ve been screaming for you to watch out, why didn’t you?
Jim answered him: – IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.
“So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you: I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”
Nancy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too. But, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”
“Oh wow! I see,” Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball….”
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a heavily pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh … I know what you’ve been doing.”