8 September 2013 – Amusements

The manager of the bakery had just finished training 15-year-old Bitzi, his new hire. He had bent the rules a little by hiring her at her age, but he thought she was a good worker. “Okay, here’s your first task,” the manager said. “See those boxes over there? That’s our shipment of pies. Put half of them in the freezer and half of them in the oven.”

“Yes, sir,” Bitzi said enthusiastically. She went over to the boxes and started opening them.

“All done,” she said to the manager 30 minutes later. The manager thought she took a little long to do that one task.

“Half of the pies are in the oven?” he asked.

“Yes,” Bitzi answered. “I’ll show you.” She walked over to the oven and opened the door. Inside were several rows of pies that had all been cut in half.

An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things.

The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down.

“I’m just going to the kitchen, I’ll remember.”

“Well, I want that with nuts, too.”

“O.K.” he says. “Ice cream with nuts.”

She asks again if he’s going to write it down.

“No, I’m just going to the kitchen.”

“And a Cherry on the top?”

He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down. Now the old man is angry, “Look, old lady I’m not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top.”

He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife.

She looks up and says, “Honey, you forgot my toast.”

Little Freddie was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”

Little Freddie replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?”

Little Freddie answered, “No, he minded his own business!”