One day a bachelor, who was a poor tipper, walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his ‘generosity’ and she said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped. “Yeah? What can you tell about me?” he asked.
“You put three pennies in a neat row,” said the waitress, “and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are frugal and the second tells me that you are a bachelor.”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “But what does the third penny tell you?”
“The third penny tells me your father was a bachelor too.”
The neighbor dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room. “What’s wrong Marge?” she asked.
Marge told her that she had morning sickness. Surprised, the neighbor said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”
“I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just sick of mornings.”
A couple of old guys in Palm Desert were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Smith for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he too had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job?”
The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 100 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles.”
The first old guy was confused and asked, “What the hell does that have to do with your dentures?”
“It was the first time my teeth didn’t hurt…”