23 June 2013 – Amusements

Becky had prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however,  she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch so she called the  local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised to just boil the sauce again and it should be fine.

That night the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky’s face dropped as the guest called out through the silenced crowd, “It’s the Poison Control Center. They  want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.

The two Americans just stare at him.

Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries.

The two continue to stare.

Parlare Italiano?”

No response.

Hablan ustedes Espanol?”

Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, “Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?”

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.

But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is ‘C’ — the cuckoo.”

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do.

On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

Time was up. “I need an answer,” said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, “C) the cuckoo.”

“Is that your final answer?” asked Regis.

“Yes, that is my final answer,” she said, breaking into a sweat.

After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, “I regret to inform you that that answer is … absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!”

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

“Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant. “Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice.”

“You’re welcome!” the blonde said.

“By the way,” the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. “How did you happen to know the right answer?”

“Oh, come on,” said the blonde. “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”