This came from Steph.
Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar.
“As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
“Did this actually happen to you?” they asked.
“No not meself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
A report says that the world population is 17 million tons overweight, which means the sea level isn’t rising at all. We’re just so fat that the land is sinking into the ocean.
Would you please help me?” the newly married wife asked. “I bought a nine-pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?”
“Just a minute,” the food editor said, as he turned to check his reference book.
“Oh, thank you,” she said. “You’ve been a big help. Good-bye!”