26 May 2013 – Amusements

A man whose wife was pregnant couldn’t bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.

So he thought he’d ring up later to see if it had come yet.

He rang up and the nurse said, “It’s a girl but there’s another one on the way.”

He rang again later and the nurse said, “It’s another girl but there’s another one coming.”

He rang once more and the nurse said, ” It’s a boy but there’s another one coming.”

He couldn’t stand it anymore so he went to the pub and got somewhat inebriated.

An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. He asked, “How many did we get mate?”

The person on the other end said, “198 all out…. and the last one was a duck.”

(I appreciate that may not make any sense to our non-British readers – it’s a cricket score. The team batting scored 198 runs before they were all out and the last batter was out “for a duck”, i.e., having scored no runs).

I know we’ve had this or something very similar before:

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary.

During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof — the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.

He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy picked up her wand and poof — the husband was 90 years old.

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?”

God replied, “Girl, I didn’t recognize you.”