14 April 2013 – Amusements

These came from Dad – I could have sworn we’ve featured these before in the Befouled Weakly News but searching turns up nothing. So, presumably I am mistaken (again).

Classified ads reportedly from British Newspapers


8 years old, Hateful little bugger. Bites!



1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.


FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.

Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.



Must sell washer and dryer £100.



Worn once by mistake.

Call Stephanie.


FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannic, 45 volumes.

Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer.

After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up.

“So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor.

“Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” begged the attorney.

“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the governor.

I was sitting on the sofa watching the television the other day when I heard Penny’s voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner, sweetheart? Chicken, beef or lamb?

So, I thought for a moment or two and replied, “Thanks. I think I’d prefer chicken, if it’s all the same.”

“You’re having soup. I was talking to the dog.”