10 March 2013 – Amusements

Four guys are having drinks and, as one heads to the restroom, the three others started to talk about their successful sons.

The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, and now he’s the president of the company. He’s so rich he gave his best friend a top-of-the-line Mercedes for Christmas!”

“Damn, that’s terrific!” the second guy said, “My son is also my pride and joy. He started working as a flight attendant on corporate jets. Then went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of the company. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift!”

“Well that’s terrific!” the third man said. “My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company, and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend: a 30,000 square foot mansion!”

The three guys are congratulating each other just as the fourth guy returns from the restroom to ask what are all the congratulations about?

One of the three guys said, “We’re talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. You have a son too, right? How’s he doing.”

The fourth man says, “My son is gay and makes his living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

“That’s a shame…what a disappointment,” the three men mumble.

“Not at all!” the fourth man says. “I’m not ashamed at all: he’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too badly for himself, either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet, and a top-of-the-line Mercedes from his three best customers!”

I’m pretty sure we’ve had this one or something pretty similar before but it still makes me chuckle, probably because I can see myself doing the same thing!

A wife asked her husband, “Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”

A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons.

Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, “Why did you buy so much milk?”

Her husband said, “They had eggs.”

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.”

The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming up,” says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.”

The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.”

“Coming right up,” the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”