17 February 2013 – Amusements

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.

The mystic chose the Thermos bottle.

“Why a Thermos bottle?” the others asked.

“Because the Thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.”

“Yes, so what?”

“Think about it,” said the mystic reverently. “That little bottle – how does it know?”

One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster.

“Get the owner’s manual!” my daughter’s husband shouted.

“I can’t find it anywhere!” cried my daughter a short time later.

“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual’s burned to a crisp.”

This is perhaps a bit “rude” for my mother so, if you are easily offended look away now.

A mother had triplet daughters and, sure enough, they all got married the same day. On their wedding night, mom tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a “code” to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

Two days later the letters start to arrive from the various honeymoon destination spots.

The first one has the simple message: “Maxwell House Coffee”. The mother gets the newspaper and checks the Maxwell House advertisement, and it says, “Satisfaction to the last drop.” Mother is very happy.

The next day she gets the second letter. It reads: “Rothman’s Mattresses”. So the mother looks at the Rothman’s Mattresses ad and it’s headlined, “Full Size, King Size”. And the mother is happy.

But she waits and waits for the third letter. It finally arrives after three weeks and has the message: “British Airways”.

Mother is at first perplexed, and when she finally finds the British Airways ad she faints. The ad reads:

“Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.”