9 December 2012 – Amusements

I’m pretty sure we’ve had this before but what the heck!

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high. “I agree it’s a nice hotel, but the rooms aren’t worth $250 for just an overnight stay! I didn’t even have breakfast.”

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ‘standard rate’, and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the manager.

The manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: “This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use.”

“But I didn’t use them,” she said.

”Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the manager. He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. “We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here,” the manager said.

“But I didn’t go to any of those shows,” she said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the manager mentioned, she replied, “But I didn’t use it!” and the manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But madam, this check is for $50.00.”

“That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaimed the very surprised Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”


One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.

The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he said quietly, “Good morning son.”

“Good morning pastor,” replied the young man, not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.

“Well son, these are the names of all the people who have died in the service,” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?”


No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between complete and finished.

However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsunder Balgogin, a Guanese, was the clear winner.

His final challenge was this: “Some say there is no difference between complete and finished. Please explain the difference between complete and finished in a way that is easy to understand.”

His astute answer: “When you marry the right woman, you are complete. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are finished. If the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished.”

His answer was received with a standing ovation.