11 November 2012 – Amusements

I’m pretty sure Dad sent this one along – if not, apologies for an incorrect attribution.


A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of frozen crabs, and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behaviour.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?”

Not one hand went up.

So she took them home and ate them and they were simply delicious.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most folk think

I think we’ve had this before – it sounds vaguely familiar but then so too do most things.

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe’s place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he’d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn’t be better. Bob thought he’d give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.

Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, “This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!”

On a similar note:

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment, beaten and roughed up.

When his wife sees him she asks, “What in the world happened to you?”

“I got into a fight with the apartment manager!”

“Whatever for?” she asked. “I’ve never known you to fight before!”

“It was a point of honour,” he said.

“What do you mean,” she asked.

“He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!”

“I can see why you’d be upset at that,” she said as she starting applying cold compresses to his wounds.

“I should hope so!” he said, wincing.

“I’ll bet,” she said, thinking the idea through, “that it’s that snooty Mrs Green on the third floor!”