21 October 2012 – Amusements

I forget who sent me this so apologies for the lack of an accreditation.

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

  1. Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”
  1. Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”
  1. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
  1. Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”
  1. Softball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
  1. Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
  1. At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.”
  1. Soccer commentator: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
  1. Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them…Oh my God, what have I just said?”

I think we’ve had something similar to this before

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, “Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I’ll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can’t answer it, I’ll give you $5.”

The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist’s offer.

The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. “Look, I’ll ask you a question, and if you can’t answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can’t answer it, I’ll give you $50.”

The poet agreed. “Okay,” the scientist said, “what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?”

The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn’t stop to think about the scientist’s question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.

The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, “Okay, now it’s your turn.”

The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, “All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?”

The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist’s face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopaedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.

The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. “Wait!” the scientist shouted, “you can’t do this to me! What’s the answer?”

The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.


This came from Dad

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

‘I’d like to be eight again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s.

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

‘I meant my dress size, stupid!!!!’

The moral of the story: even when a man is listening, he’ll still get it wrong.