This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”
“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”
She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”
Why I’m Divorced
Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday!’ and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘ Happy Birthday..’
I thought….well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids….. they will remember.
My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, ‘Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!’ It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.’
I said, ‘Thanks, Rick, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’
We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Rick said, ‘You know, It’s such a beautiful day…we don’t need to go straight back to the office, do we?’
I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’
He said, ‘Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner.’
After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, ‘If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’
‘Ok,’ I nervously replied.
He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday’.
And I just sat there….
on the couch….