A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back. . .”
“But officer, I just wanted to say. . .”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will five times!”
The third-grader was at the family dinner table with her six year-old brother and their parents, all giving reports of their daily activities. When it came the third-grader’s turn, she said, “Today at school we learned how to make babies.”
The parents gasped, and the little brother sat at attention. “Uh, how do you make babies, dear?” asked the mother.
“Simple,” said the girl, “you just change ‘y’ to ‘i and add ‘-es.’ ”