I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. “Where’s your mother?” I asked.
“She said she was going to take a shower. Just a second and I’ll see.” Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, “Yep, she’s in the shower.”
We’ve had this one before, I’m pretty sure but it came via Erik Benson the other day. This version involves a Scotsman who, for those who aren’t aware, have a reputation for being especially frugal with their money.
A Scotsman walks into the Bank of England in Threadneedle Street, Central London and asks for the manager. He tells the manager that he is going to Australia on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
The manager tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so Hamish hands over the keys and documents of a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book and everything checks out. The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank’s General Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scotsman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, Hamish returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
The manager says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?”
Hamish replies: “Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
Ah, the mind of the Scotsman.
We’ve had this one before but somehow it’s never seemed so appropriate.
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes…
The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”
The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.”