15 July 2012 – Amusements

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.

“Why don’t you do that?” said the wife.

“Honey,” replied her husband, “I don’t even know that woman!”


A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. “Are you the manager?” she asked, softly  stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” he replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to  him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the  bartender.  “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. I need you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender  managed to say.

“Tell him,” she whispered, “There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”


When asked by a young patrol officer, “Do you know you were speeding?” The 83-year-old woman talked herself out of a ticket by stating, “Yes, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going.”