15 April 2012 – Amusements

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.”

A young man had just begun working in a café and his first customer turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.

The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked, “May I take your order, sir?”

The truck driver replied, “Sure kid. I want three flat tires and two headlights.”

The young man was very puzzled and said, “I beg your pardon?”

The truck driver said again, “Look kid, I want three flat tires and two headlights.”

The young man was still puzzled, but replied, “Yes sir, whatever you like.”

The young man then took the request to his boss, the head cook. He told him about the truck driver’s order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights. “I think he’s in the wrong place.”

The cook said, “I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up. He’s just trying to be smart.”

The cook said to the waiter “Here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this.”

When the young man delivered the order the truck driver said, “Listen kid, I didn’t order this. I said I wanted three flat tires and two headlights.”

The waiter replied, “Well sir, the cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!”

Mrs Swanson declined to serve on the jury because she was not a believer in capital punishment and didn’t want her beliefs to get in the way of the trial.

“But, Madam,” said the public defender, who had taken a liking to her kind face and calm demeanour, “this is not a murder trial. It is merely a civil lawsuit being brought by a wife against her husband. He gambled away the fifteen thousand dollars he’d promised to spend on a chinchilla coat for her birthday.”

“Hmmm,” reflected Mrs Swanson. “Okay, I’ll serve. I could be wrong about capital punishment.”

One thought on “15 April 2012 – Amusements”

  1. Reminds me of the fellow who ordered “Beef Heart” from the menu and was served beans and when he protested was told, “Don’t worry! They will be farts by morning”

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