A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon.
Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared”.
The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: “Where the hell are you?”
Husband: “Darling, you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have money that time and said, ‘Baby, it’ll be yours one day’?”
Wife, with a smile, blushing: “Yes I remember that, my love.”
Husband, “Well, I’m in the Pub next to that shop.”
One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.
When his boss asked him what happened, he explained, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!”
“Well,” the boss said, “that explains one ear, but what about the other?”
“They called back!”