I know, we’ve had it before but it’s still cute:
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, “What will it be?”
The man replied “I’ll have a burger and a coke.”
“I’ll have the same,” the ostrich replies.
They finish their meal and pay.
“That will be $4.50,” the waitress says.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. They do this every day until Friday.
“The usual?” she asks.
“No, today is Friday. I’ll have steak and a coke.”
“Me too.” says the ostrich. They finish and pay. “That will be $10.95”
The man reaches in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress is dumb-founded. “How is it that you always have the exact amount?”
“Well,” says the man. “I was cleaning my attic one day and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared.
“Wow!” said the waitress. “What did you wish for?”
“I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket.”
“Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what’s with the ostrich?”
“Well,” said the man. “I also asked for a chick with long legs.”
A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his. “Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight.”
When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, “Not really, for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway.”
A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.
“I am a Torah scholar.” He says.
“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”
“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancé.
The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”
The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”