An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
“I’m 90 years old,” he says.
“90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”
“Oh, I have?” says the old man. “I’m sorry. How much do I owe you?”
A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t budge.”
The psychiatrist muses, “Interesting.” But tell me what does the sign on the door say?
The guy replies, “It says ‘Pull’”!!!
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothing,'” the beachcomber said.
“Wow,” said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, “The sharks got ’em.”
At a Senior’s Center a group of “Seasoned Citizens” were sitting around talking about their ailments:
“My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.
“Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee,” complained another.
“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence. “Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. “Thank goodness we can all still drive.”