After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. “All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall.”
Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day. Only one private remained.
He looked at the officer and sincerely said, “Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, Sarge.”
It was the first day of school after summer vacation. The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats. The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke…
“From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework. Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.
The first one is “gross” and the other one is “cool.”
Are there any questions?”
After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand and the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks…
“So, what are they?”
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”