Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him, “Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?”
The other fisherman replies, “If you just go up the stream until the water isn’t salty, there are a ton of hungry fish.”
They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, “Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty.” He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some.
“Nope. Still salty.” Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. “Nope, still salty.” One hour later, they check again. “Nope. Still salty.”
“This isn’t good,” the fisherman finally says, “We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty.”
“I know,” says the other. “And the bucket is almost empty!”
Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandry:
“I don’t know what decision I should make. I’m currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn’t got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars.”
“Hmmm,” said Maury. “In your place, I wouldn’t hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it’s obvious that you’re never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I’d send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with that young beauty.”
“You’re right!” says Pauly. “It’s just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice.”
“No problem,” says Maury, “but, uhhh, could you give me that widow’s name and number?”
A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, “Didn’t you hear me?! I’m a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!”
The guy took the frog out and said, “Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don’t have time for a girlfriend,……..but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!”