25 September 2011 – Amusements

Summer was coming to a close. The Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be severe or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught old secrets; when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell how the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be safe, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be bad and that everybody should collect wood and be prepared.

Being a practical leader, he had an idea after a few days. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked “Is the coming winter going to be bad?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be terrible,” the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Is it going to be a cold winter?”

“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “It definitely will be very severe.”

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. “Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”

“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, “Because the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”


This from Dad:

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life’s work 100%?

IF…   A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that:  Hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but  bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%…… will take you.


Wife’s Diary:

Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behaviour I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.” When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s Diary:

Boat wouldn’t start. Can’t figure it out.