The Irish have the lowest levels of stress because they do not take medical terminology seriously:
| Medical Term | Irish Definition |
| Artery | The study of paintings |
| Bacteria | The back door to the cafeteria |
| Barium | What doctors do when patients die |
| Benign | What you be after you be eight |
| Caesarean Section | A nieghbourhood in Rome |
| Cat scan | Searching for kitty |
| Cauterize | Made eye contact with her |
| Colic | A sheep dog |
| Coma | A punctuation mark |
| Dilate | To live long |
| Enema | Not a friend |
| Fester | Quicker than someone else |
| Fibula | A small lie |
| Impotent | Distinguished, well-known |
| Labour Pain | Getting hurt at work |
| Medical Staff | A doctor’s cane |
| Morbid | A high offer |
| Nitrates | Rates of pay for working at night, normally more money than days |
| Node | I knew it |
| Outpatient | A person who has fainted |
| Pelvis | Second cousin to Elvis |
| Post-Operative | A letter carrier |
| Recovery Room | Place to do upholstery |
| Rectum | Nearly killed him |
| Secretion | Hiding something |
| Seizure | Roman Emperor |
| Tablet | A small table |
| Terminal illness | Getting sick at the airport |
| Tumour | One plus one more |
| Urine | Opposite of you’re out |
This from Dad:
Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems.
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and I said ….. “Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now … I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of the deal.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She said, “Go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I will make sure that you will again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are cute!”
The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.” She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
Her husband replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”