A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally, conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.” The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”
John and Suzi had just flown to their honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach in Florida. They found their hotel room but decided to refresh themselves with a dip in the hotel pool. Suzi must have dropped a few pounds due to the pre-wedding jitters, because each time she dived into the pool, she lost either the top or bottom of her skimpy new bikini. They had the pool to themselves, so they just laughed and retrieved the pieces.
Later they dressed for dinner and went down to the hotel restaurant. Waiting for a table they sat in the lounge with all the other guests and ordered drinks. Above the bar was a huge, empty, glistening fish tank. Curious, John asked, “Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?”
The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he replied, “That’s not a fish tank, it’s the swimming pool.”
A man walked into the produce section of a local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager: “Some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce.”
The manager was looking behind the boy, so the boy turned around to see the man standing right behind him. So he quickly added: “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy: “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.”
“Thank you, sir,” the boy replied.
“Where are you from, son?”
“Well, why did you leave Texas?” the manager asked.
The boy said “Sir, there’s nothing down there but whores and football players!”
“Really,” said the manager. “My wife is from Texas.”
“No kidding!” replied the boy. “What position does she play?”