A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and said, “Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?”
The man said, “Well, officer. I don’t have a license, it was taken away for a DUI.”
The officer, in surprise, said,” What!? Do you have a registration for the vehicle?”
So the man replied, “No sir, the car is not mine. I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it.”
The officer stepped back, “There is a gun in the glove box?!?”
The man sighed and said, “Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk.”
The officer steps toward the back of the car and says, “Sir do not move, I am calling for backup.” The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration.
The man said, “Yes, officer here it is right here.”
It all checked out so the officer said,” Is there a gun in the glove box sir?”
The man laughs and says, “No, officer why would there be a gun in the glove box?” He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun.
The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk. No dead body.
The second officer says, “Sir, I do not understand. The officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk.”
The man looks the officer in the eyes and says, “Yeah and I’ll bet he said I was speeding too.”
On vacation we called a restaurant to make reservations for dinner at 7:00 PM. Checking her book, the cheery hostess said, “I’m sorry, but all we have is 6:45 PM. Would you like that?”
“That’s fine,” I replied.
“Okay,” the hostess confirmed. Then she added, “Just be advised that you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table.”
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”