In California’s Sonoma Valley where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like “well-aged Caumeneur.”
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary.
“Could you please spell that?” she asked.
“You know” said the woman impatiently “C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e.”
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be one cent,” says the bartender.
“One cent!?” exclaimed the guy.
The bartender replied, “Yes, One cent.”
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?”
“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”
“How much money?” inquires the guy.
“Four cents,” he replies.
“Four cents?!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”
The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
The bartender replies, “Same thing I’m doing to his business.”
A couple was waiting for their food at a Chinese restaurant when the waiter set chopsticks at their places. The woman made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
“As a staunch environmentalist,” she declared, “I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.”
The old waiter inspected her chopsticks. “Very beautiful,” he said politely.
“Why thank you,” responded the woman. “They’re genuine ivory.”