26 June 2011 – Amusements

Oops! I forgot to say last time that there would be no News this weekend. We are off to the south coast to visit with our friends Sue and Stuart and to participate in the celebrations associated with Stuart’s 60th birthday. Apologies for that and I’ll bring you a full account next weekend.

I’m afraid you’ll have to be satisfied with (a) a photo of a poppy at Edgecote and (b) a couple of feeble “amusements.”

Poppy at Edgecote
Poppy at Edgecote

 


Another of those pesky technical support issues:

Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”

Customer: “Ok.”

Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”

Customer: “No.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”

Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote click’.”


Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!”

The engaged woman giggled and said, “That’s pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, “I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma’s. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, ‘Hey, Batman, what’s for dinner?'”


We’ve had it before but who remembers these things?

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, “Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights.”

Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, “I think this guy’s in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!”

The cook says, “He wants three pancakes and two eggs sunny-side up.”

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker. He looks at it and growls, “What’s this? I didn’t order this!”

The waiter tells him, “The cook says that while you’re waiting for your car parts you might as well gas up!”