5 June 2011 – Amusements

It’s the year 2070, and NASA finally manages to get a manned mission to Jupiter. While surveying the moons, they find evidence of life on the moon Europa and land to make First Contact.

Sure enough, there’s a race of advanced beings there, and the two groups exchange huge amounts of information. Inevitably, the questions turn to sex.

“How do you reproduce?” one of the NASA astronauts asks.

The Europans are pleased to demonstrate. Two of them get together and touch tentacles in a special way. A moment later a sac appears on one of them, grows to the size of a basketball, and breaks open. A tiny tentacled baby pops out and falls to the ground, jumps up, and starts running around looking for its first meal.

“Amazing!” exclaim the Earthlings.

“So will you give us a demonstration of how you do it?” ask the aliens.

The Earthlings can hardly refuse, so the commander asks for volunteers and a couple steps forward and demonstrates Earthly delights. The Europans are rapt with interested attention.

When the couple finishes, however, the aliens are confused. “Where is the child?” they ask. “Or was the mating a failure?”

“Well,” says the commander, “we don’t find out right away. If it was successful, it takes a month or two to find out, and the baby doesn’t show up for nine months after conception.”

“Nine months?” asks the incredulous alien leader. “Then why were they in such a hurry at the end?”

A gorgeous young blonde was visiting her new doctor for the first time.

She was escorted to the small patient room and left alone to wait. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the examination.

Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor stepped in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

“Miss… uh…” he said, looking at the chart to get his eyes off her significant assets, “Smith!” he said, finally finding her name.

“Yes, doctor?” the sweet young thang answered.

“Ma’am,” he said, “it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination.

It’s a classic but you’ve got to smile:

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs?

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

“That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.

The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”